My story - why I became a celebrant Part 3

My husband was doing so well; he looked healthy, he felt great, and we had started to go out again and spend time together, even attending a friend's wedding reception, but just a few short weeks later, at the end of July, he began to feel unwell.

He had flu-like symptoms, and his stomach had begun to swell. He was admitted to St Barts in London, where he was told that he had fluid in his stomach, but we were assured that it was just a side effect of the treatment and that it would go once he had his next cycle.

He was admitted, and the next day, he had six litres of fluid drained from his stomach, too much, too quickly and his kidneys began to fail.

He was removed from the clinical trial and moved to a private hospital to begin new treatment and get his kidneys working again. He made great improvements and was in great spirits, preparing to come home and get strong again.

During this period, he encouraged me to enrol on the master celebrant course with the provider that I had chosen.

Weddings, naming ceremonies and funerals. I wasn't so fussed about the funeral course; I thought he would be good to have, but I had no intention of conducting funeral ceremonies, as I didn't think I could handle it.

I would take my iPad into the hospital to work on the weddings course, while he watched TV. It worked well, and he was improving. He was due to come home towards the end of August, and so we made preparations at home so that he would be comfortable. The day before he was due to come home, he was showing signs of an infection, but he wasn't convinced and thought the nurses were overreacting. His doctor had him admitted to the ICU.

He had 3 infections, one of which was in his lungs and a blood clot in his right lung.

It was not looking good, and he ended up on life support, but my husband was a fighter, and he came through it after 3 weeks and was then taken back to his room, where again we made preparations for him to come home.

He came home on the 23rd of October, and by this point, we knew he didn't have long left. What we hadn't anticipated was just how little time he had..... My husband passed away on the 27th of October 2024

I cannot say more about this period, as it is still too much to think about, but what I will say is that the care, love and support that I received not only from family and friends but also from the funeral arranger, the funeral celebrant and every supplier that I came into contact with gave me such great comfort, that they inspired me to continue with my celebrant journey once i was ready.

The funeral arranger, Gemma, at Constable and Toop in Belvedere was outstanding, and because of her care and attention, I came to realise that I wanted to be there, in the same way, for those facing the reality of grief just as I was. I wanted to not only share in the joy of a couple's marriage or the happiness of a child's naming ceremony but to offer comfort and support to those facing the worst time in their lives.

And in the short year that has passed since my husband had to leave, I have become a trained celebrant for weddings and naming ceremonies and have begun to train for funerals. I am taking my time with it and not rushing.

I know he was, and is, so proud of our children and me for the way we have taken on the challenges we have faced since his passing, and we are so proud of him for fighting so hard to stay with us, right till the very end.

So that is my "why". Why I have chosen to become a celebrant, I hope that I can bring as much comfort to those in need as I have received and bring smiles to the faces of couples marrying.

Thank you for taking the time to read these blogs xx

My story - why I became a celebrant Part 2

Us

Later that same week, my husband went for an MRI scan at a private hospital, as the waiting list was long on the NHS, and so it could be weeks before he was given an appointment. Luckily, through his work, he had Bupa cover. The consultant got back to us the next day and said it was serious and was referring my husband back to the NHS. Less than 24 hours later, we were being given an appointment at Queen Elizabeth's in Woolwich for another MRI the next day. At that appointment, he was given another for an endoscopy - a camera was to be put down his throat to look into his stomach.

He had that procedure on the following Tuesday. We knew what the results would be as we were ushered into a room with a McMillan nurse straight after, who said that it was serious but she couldn't give us the results and that we would have to wait for an appointment to come through the following week.

I had begun looking into private courses to become a celebrant as a way to take my mind off everything that was going on, my husband was so encouraging ( he wasn't normally). I had worked as a self-employed beauty therapist for 12 years, and he was always asking me when I was going to get a real job!)

We discussed the possible outcome and hoped for the best-case scenario, but on the 14th of February 2024, we were given the results, which showed that what we hoped would be stage 2 was actually stage 4 gastric cancer.

We were devastated. My husband was told that he could have chemo, but it wouldn't save him, and to go out and live his life - he was given 12 - 18 months at most.

Through his insurance, we arranged a second opinion with another doctor who specialised in GI cancers. While he couldn't change the diagnosis and prognosis, he hoped to buy us time. He had a clinical trial for two new immunotherapy drugs. My husband was accepted onto the trial and by round 5 had made excellent progress - a 58% reduction in his tumours. We were over the moon; he was looking amazing, so healthy.

I resumed my search for courses, and with his input, I decided on a provider, everything was looking so positive.

To be continued!

My story - why I'm a celebrant

Well where do I begin?

Pretty much my whole adult life, marrying couples is something that i have always wanted to do. I have applied several times over the past 20 years to train as a registrar, but i have never had the right kind of experience. Back in 2023, I was working as a retail and art gallery manager for Hall Place in Bexley, a job which I absolutely loved. I enjoyed being and would even go in on my days off to help out, much to my husbands annoyance.

I had been there for four years and couldn't see myself doing anything else, that was until the decision was made to close the shop by those above. I was devastated and tried everything to keep the shop open, but it was not to be. The art gallery was given to a colleague, and I was transferred to a college to work in the admin department, something that was very, very different, and I did not enjoy it!

I think I must have applied for over 100 different jobs from April to September, but for one reason or another, I was not successful. In August of 2023, I was chatting with a colleague at the wake of another colleague who had sadly passed from cancer. We were chatting about my job and how much I hated it, and she said to me, "I think you would make a really great celebrant". It had been a strange week, as the universe/God had kept showing me signs to follow this path, but I thought I was imagining it!

In the end, my lovely colleague made me promise to look into training as a celebrant. I went home, and the suggestion began to play on my mind. Twenty-four hours later, at 11 pm, I logged onto the Kent County Council website and began searching for a celebrant job - there was only one that had just been listed that day for a sessional celebrant for the following year.

I was offered an interview, which went very well and 3 weeks later, I received a phone call to say that I had got down to the last two applicants, but the other applicant already had experience, so they had to give the position to them. I thought that was it; it was never going to happen. Except in December of 2023, I applied for a trainee registrar position, I had an interview, which again went very well, and just after Christmas, I received a call to say that I had been successful!

But it was around this time that my husband began to feel unwell, and it was looking serious. If it was what we thought it was, there was no way I could accept the job, so I declined it and put all thought of my dream on the back burner.

To be continued!